One of the most interesting opening lines to a book I’ve ever read (and the only one that I actively remember and think about frequently) is from Anthony Ryan’s “The Pariah”. It’s a little rough, but it gets an interesting point across. I’d like to share it with you.
Ready? Good, here you go.
Before killing a man, I always found it calming to regard the trees.
Anthony Ryan, “The Pariah”
Now, there’s a good chance you’re thinking “Ian, this blog typically has very few murder references in it, where are you going with this?”. That’s a fair question. We’ll get there.
In the book series, this theme of “regarding the trees” pops up several times around stressful situations for the story’s protagonist, Alwyn. Whether he’s about to attack and rob a nobleman’s carriage, go into a massive battle, or is near death, this character quirk is woven through the story as a way for Alwyn to calm himself down and find some mental peace and safety. And, for me, that short sentence has turned into a bit of a mantra that helps with managing stress.
Can you see where we’re headed now?
In the weeks since I binged that particular book series, I’ve been thinking a lot about what it means for me to “regard the trees” in my own life, and I think the answer lies more in the idea of intentionality than in any one particular activity.
You see, I have a lot of things that I just kind of do to self medicate when I’m stressed. Sometimes I listen to music, or a podcast. Other times I watch YouTube videos or scroll aimlessly through the same fifteen articles on the Google homepage. Still other times I stare blankly into the void and contemplate the magnitude of life and it’s problems. (That one’s a particular favorite). But all of these options have the same core flaw that keep them from being particularly helpful: I tend to not notice I’m doing them.
Now, obviously, the idea of intentionality is nothing new. Any google search for how to manage stress, or book on self improvement, will tell you how important it is to live in an intentional way. And that’s great. But, honestly, the scope of that is just way too big for me most of the time. When I’m stressed, or tired, or overwhelmed, I don’t have the mental bandwidth to focus on much of anything– including macro-level philosophical questions of intentionality and inner peace.
So I have to go micro. Well, micro-ish.
My method of intentionality right now is trying to identify when I’m struggling and make a specific effort to do only one thing at a time. This helps me to regulate and leaves me feeling a lot less anxious when I’m done. If I’m going to listen to music, great. YouTube? Fantastic! Gaze into the aether and let the futility of life wash over me? Ok, maybe not that one. But, in a world where we are constantly connected to everyone and everything, I’m finding it calming to allow myself to disconnect and focus on enjoying one thing instead of just letting several things happen at the same time.
Unfortunately, while this is turning out to be a pretty effective strategy when I can pull it off, it’s also really hard. Because of the connected nature of modern life, our (read that as my) attention spans are really, really short. So, soon after I decide I’m going to actively listen to –and enjoy– music that I love, I find myself itching to also play a game on my phone. Or as soon as I pull up one of my favorite YouTubers’ videos, I find myself absently flipping through the same empty email inbox that I looked at five minutes ago. Even as I write this, I have to actively keep myself from absently picking up my phone and flipping through stuff that I don’t care about. It’s really dumb.
But every time I succeed, I’m finding it a little easier to notice what’s going on and redirect. And, by stupid coincidence, my new mantra from “The Pariah” really helps. Because, when dealing with stress, it really is calming to take a step back and regard the trees. Or the book I’m reading. You get it.
So, now it’s your turn. The next time you feel stressed, or bored, or overwhelmed, pick one tree and regard it for a while. It won’t be easy at first, but, the more you do it, the more enjoyment and peace you’ll find in the things you love.
Thanks for reading, you’ve got this.
-Ian
Just Care A Little 